For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness,
but one of power, love, and sound judgment.
—1 Timothy 1:7
I didn’t realize until yesterday that almost two months have passed since I last posted here. Where has the time gone? Well, here is my update.
On the heels of some difficult health struggles last winter, I found out that my cataracts were finally at the point that I needed to have the dreaded surgery. I have known for probably 7 years that I have developed cataracts, but that they were slow-growing. So I never really gave it much thought … until last year when I started noticing how much more difficult it was to see most things from a distance, including the blurry faces on TV. I was also having trouble reading even my large print Bible, which made me thankful for my tablet because I could reset the size of the font.
I don’t know how other people react to cataract surgery but I was extremely unhappy and scared. I’ve worn eyeglasses since I was 11 or 12 years old and never considered contacts because I hate to have anyone, even me, messing around with my eyes. So the thought of having to undergo surgery on my eyes made me freak out. Last December when my ophthalmologist told me it was time for cataract surgery, I immediately burst into tears. I’m sure my doctor has seen this kind of reaction from many of his patients, so he just listened, nodded, and gave me time to compose myself before I left.
As I prayed about it that night, 1 Timothy 1:7 jumped into my mind: “For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.” That made me ask myself: if I am a child of God, why am I so fearful of this surgery? I decided to start praying right then for God’s spirit of power over my fear:
“Heavenly Father, You know how fearful and anxious I am about the cataract surgery. I ask You to fill me instead with Your power, strength, and peace about it, such that I can look forward to it with joy and great anticipation, knowing that I will be able to see so much better afterward. And I thank You right now for what I know You will do in my life through this situation to bring glory to Your Name.”
I didn’t only ask God to get me through the surgery and recovery. I also asked Him to change my extreme fear to joyful anticipation and I thanked Him ahead of time for what I knew He would do for and in me through this situation. I have trusted Him through many tense situations in my life and He has never let me down. Therefore, I also trusted Him implicitly this time, no matter what happened.
I prayed in this manner for several weeks, when one day I suddenly realized that I was no longer afraid of the upcoming surgery. That’s when I started smiling while I was praying, because I knew the Lord had already so magnificently answered my prayers!
The surgery itself did not take longer than about 15 minutes. It took longer for prep and recovery room time than it did for the actual surgery. I was given an anesthetic to sedate me but not put me completely to sleep, but I don’t remember drifting off to sleep or waking up again, or anything about the surgeries. One minute I was still talking to the anesthesiologist; the next I was sitting up in a wheelchair next to Rick, talking to the nurse who was handing me a cup of water. In all, Rick and I were away from home only about 4 hours.
My eyes are healing very well and I am so excited to be able to clearly see things at a distance. I am using and will continue to need reading glasses, but I am thrilled with how bright and true colors look now. However, the way my body feels is another story. My dear friend and fellow writer, Pat Knight, also had cataract surgery at almost the same time that I did. Since we email each other so often, we knew that we would both be needing cataract surgery this year, but we never discussed the dates. We couldn’t believe it when our surgery dates almost coincided. We both think this was God’s way of allowing us to encourage each other while recovering from the surgeries.
Pat told me recently that one word she would use to describe the surgeries and recovery weeks is overwhelmed. One of the definitions of overwhelm at Dictionary.com describes it as: to load, heap, treat, or address with an overpowering excessive amount of anything. Exactly!
The longer I live with Fibromyalgia (FMS) and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), the more my body is badly affected by such things. I have been overwhelmed with constant body pain, plus I also had an awful GI (Gastrointestinal) reaction to one of the necessary eye drops. The surgery for each eye consisted of these appointments:
- 1-day post-op
- 1-week post-op
- 4-week post-op
Five (5) appointments for each eye! For someone who does not go out very often, and then usually only when necessary, all of these appointments have taken their toll. On top of that, I had to discontinue the medication I was taking for my migraines because of the nasty side effects, so my 24/7 migraines are back.
All in all, my entire body continues to feel like it was assaulted. Talk about overwhelming!
But… in the brokenness there is another, better kind of being overwhelmed: the good news that God magnificently answers prayer! Since He longs for us to trust Him rather than have a spirit of fear, He turned my anxiety and fright about this surgery into excitement and anticipation. He lavished me with His grace as He walked closely with me before and through each surgery.
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you,
for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”
Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities,
that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
—2 Corinthians 12:9
It is fair to say that my heart and mind almost daily utter these words now: thank You, Lord Jesus, my All in All…
Beloved, it will be a few more weeks until I am ready to fully be back to work on my blog, but I may reblog some old posts as I am able to. Thank you for sticking with me during all of this. You are all too precious to me!